#2 - Transcript

[23:09] I fixed up the system and added far more sound recognition files, as well as editing out the... the glitches in the programming of the tone recognition and programming files. And while I was there, I also added in extended vowel sounds and a tone that can be described as trailing off as an ellipsis pause. Like.... this. The longer the ending sound is dragged for a pause or hesitation, the longer the ellipsis pause. This is way better than having the word pause in parenthesis every time someone takes a break to think. I also received a few complaints from people that the, um, checking system, where I reroute the text result through a commonplace proofreading database - well, I just jacked all the spell check files out of Microsoft Word and pretty much added those into my system. Unfortunately, doing that meant I sort of screwed it up a little. But I'm pretty sure it's fixed now. If you notice any blunders let me know? And also, the transcripts will become more relevant when my system improves. It's still sort of in the testing phase. 

I'm Dying Over Here

(Fair warning that title is Hyperbole. We are not actually dying. Though I'm about to keel over I'm laughing so hard.)

So apparently Proxies blog.

That's like figuring out werewolves blog, and all I can picture is them tapping away at their little laptops like Danny does when he's mad where he gets all mopey and crouched over and it's just fucking hilarious.

From what I can tell most of them surf around the web looking for runner blogs and trying to scare them by sticking out their tongues and going "Nya Nya Nya." And when you've spent some bad nights with proxies thinking you weren't going to see the next morning, watching them write these blogs is downright funny. (Although it may also have to do with the fact I'm a bit tipsy at the moment.)

It still amazes me how childish it is. Maybe that's part of the fear factor for some. A two year old with a gun is a scary thing to behold, I'll admit. You know you can't reason with them not to pull the trigger, and if the two year old is laughing maniacally and spewing shit at you it certainly looks stupid but scares you anyway.

So why not turn this funny littler occurrence into a learning moment about the regression in most proxies.

Proxies, especially the ones who still have personalities have a tendency to behave very childishly. I once had a Proxy manage to get on top of me with a knife to my throat. I was beaten to hell and back and it liked the end for me, but instead of taking care of me she just grabbed a fistful of my hair and screamed at me about how worthless and stupid I was. She honest to God spent a good minute just yanking on my hair and going, "STUPID, STUPID, STUPID." Needless to say it wasn't a very bright move on her part.

Just like there "Daddy," Proxies enjoy playing with their food too. They aren't very efficient, (save perhaps Empty and Passive proxies,) and for them it's more the journey than the destination. They get a big kick out of scaring the shit out of people, and the more they can get under the skin the happier they are.

It's the same as that brat in the third grade who kept poking you no matter how many times you smacked their hand and told them to quit it. The joy is in getting a rise out of you as opposed to causing you any real harm, (Though don't get me wrong, they like the harm fine.)

But they really do regress into kids in some sense, right down to calling the man in charge their father a lot of the time. It's odd seeing as how the Slenderman already has a pretty creepy connection to kids to begin with.

Here's the thing though. I don't think the Slenderman kills children...I mean, yeah he kills some kids, but most of the time what I hear is that they go missing and are never seen again, and when he does kill kids it's usually in some weird or obscure way that doesn't fit at all with some of his more creative methods. Like a fire burning down a school for example never really matched up with gutting a person and putting their innards in plastic bags and hanging them from the trees. Kids contradict the already contradictory patterns by a lot.

I've never come across a child proxy. I know they have to be out there because all these kids have to be going somewhere, but I've never met one. Yet from what I can tell from the regressed proxies is that from the ones I've managed to get any history out of, they go way back with Mr. Tentacles. Were they kids who grew into proxies? Or is there behavior just another weird kitch that comes with being a proxy. I've always wondered about that.

This cure I've been working on has been going slow for a while now. I've been trying to find what makes up the composition of the Azoth, (black liquid) and other than the expected Iron and Carbon the rest of the materials inside of it are completely unidentifiable, and I haven't found any chemical that destroys it.

But kids, they aren't like us adults, they are very different in a lot of ways. And they keep vanishing. Not even a body left to examine. Like there's evidence that needs erasing.

Now there's some food for thought.

This is what happened.

Thanks to you assholes, Anna decided tying me up and having some kind of interrogation was a good idea, just by the way, so over the past few days I've been away due to recovering from that.

She took me to Vegas for my 25th, yip-fucking-ee, that's where we were then, and during that time she cheated a lot in card games in this nasty looking little casino with a ton of huge muscled motherfuckers in it that all looked at me like they wanted to knock me out, ice me and sell my kidneys, and Annale won us a ton of money, with which she bought a new truck (with a weird STAIN on MY seat). Then she drove us to some run-down alcohol store (her idea of GROCERIES) and bought some stuff, and THEN decided to take me out for ICE CREAM. By that time she was pretty drunk, so after both of us had had ice cream and she'd made the wrinkly old waitress SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY (I am TWENTY FUCKING FIVE, ANNA) I was definitely going to be the one driving us back.

So I started driving and Anna passed out, like REALLY passed out, and fortunately I had a sharpie with me, so I pulled over and drew a mustache on her face, one of those huge curly Italian ones. I figured she owed me a few laughs after this train wreck of a day out, that's all! Also the mustache looked really, really funny. So you can understand why I was laughing when she bossed me around!

I mean I knew this was a nervous community but really, guys! It was just a prank!

I fell asleep on his birthday and he drew a goddamned mustache on my face with a sharpie and I didn't notice.

Just shoot me in the fucking head.

The Hell?

Danny keeps snickering at me whenever I walk in to a room like a little shit and it's really starting to piss me off. I've been asking him what exactly is so fucking funny but the kid just shrugs and keeps on giggling.

It's weird. Most of the time the kid just gives me dirty looks and acts like a smartass but for whatever reason now he's just happy as can be. I can't decide if that's good or very, very bad.

I mean, out of the two of us Danny is probably having the worst of it. Can't even get him out of bed most days. When we started out he was in pretty bad shape just on his own. He was really sick for a long time, and not Slendersick, but actually sick. The Slendersickness probably wasn't helping him much either. I don't think he's quite bounced back from it was, but ever since his Birthday he just keeps snickering like he knows something I don't and it's starting to worry me.

He still acts like his dumbass self, but there's this weird peppiness to it and I don't understand it. Maybe  there's something more wrong with him?

No he's probably fine. He's just being a shit like usual. I'll keep an eye on it.

Proxies

I'll make this pretty quick. Danny doesn't like it when I borrow his computer when he's napping, but I don't have much better to do at the moment.

Today we're going to learn about proxies. You know, those lovable little scamps who run around in Marilyn Manson masks and kill masses of innocent people? Those guys.

From what I can tell, Proxies are the final stage of the disease. So the miserable creatures who get to live until they're killed off by someone like me. They're people who've been emptied out, or twisted up by the Slender Man and find themselves carrying out his bizarre whims like little puppets.

In my experience I've found about five kinds of proxies.

First you have the Empty Proxies, who are basically just walking corpses. When alive they were probably those people who just decided to lay down and die. They don't talk or do much. They're just zombies for the most part, just doing whatever. In autopsies there brains are saturated with black liquid, as are their lungs, and arteries. From what I can tell, I don't think they need to eat or drink much, because they're stomachs are always empty. Then again I expect they'd be vomiting a lot so that may be the cause of it.

Next you have Manic Proxies. I'm not sure if these guys are really proxies are just plain crazy people. Their autopsies would say Proxy, but there's not too much logic to these guys. These guys can be in an especially good mood, cackling and rolling around in the blood of their enemies, and then before you can blink be screaming and shouting obscenities, crying over things that don't even make sense. A lot of children who become proxies wind up like these guys, as well as people who are kind of crazy to begin with. They're unpredictable, and there's really no rhyme or reason to how they work. They kill randomly and I've found that a good deal of them get arrested and put in jail as serial killers, (probably because they draw a lot of attention to themselves.) These are probably the most dangerous kind of proxy, simply because of how unpredictable they are. The strangest thing about their autopsy is that the concentration of the black liquid is located mostly in the Amygdala and really nowhere else (for those of you who don't know the Amygdala is a section of the brain that controls memory and emotional responses, make of that what you will.)

After that you have what I like to call, The Pain in the Ass Poets. I don't even really feel sorry for these whack jobs. Not only do they all seemed pleased as punch to be proxies, but man do these assholes love to monologue. They love to give you these shit eating grins, and tell you about how stupid, useless, and insignificant you are. It's just all, "blah, blah, blah, blah, I'm a fucking psycho and proud of it, and you should be kissing my feet." These idiots never really grasp that they are puppets. At least the Manic Proxies can be in denial about it, but for these fuckers it never even sinks in. They are all pretty pompous and love to spew prose at you. I'm guessing they were some self-righteous assholes before they turned, and they just never even realized how fucked up they became. Overall they're just annoying. They love to play mind games, but it's not like I have time for that so they're a pretty easy kill if you don't let em psyche you out. They're autopsies are pretty useless also. They have almost no black liquid. They're just twisted assholes.

After that you have the Sleeping Proxies, which are actually just people who are far gone. Right before you turn, there's an interval where you black out and start doing shit in your sleep, or you start behaving odd, or hearing voices in your head. It's the stage in-between. For obvious reasons I've never done an autopsy on this kind of proxy.

And the last type is the Passive Proxy, and these are the guys who just do not care. They have even less black liquid saturation in the brain than the Poet, (although there is a lot of build up in the lungs and arteries,) but they really just aren't all that active. They're dangerous yeah, but sometimes you'll find one who just doesn't care enough to kill you. I think these are the fighters who became proxies. Just sort of sad and resigned to their fate. I pity these guys, and a lot of the time they aren't all that upset to die. They don't make a big fuss over it. In fact I think a lot of proxies are happy to go.

That's the thing you have to remember about Proxies, they are gone. You can't save proxies. You can try, but it'll do more damage to you than anything else.

I used to be in the business of trying to bring proxies back. Back when I was still a newbie to all of this. I was probably about sixteen? Seventeen maybe? Hitchhiking around Texas with this guy named Rex and his posse of runners. They used to hide up in tree's and have me stand in the woods as bait, then if a proxy came a long they'd drop a brick or a bowling ball or something like that, set up traps, or knock em out, and then we'd make off with them; tie them up in warehouses and try to figure out how to fix them. Those were the days.

Rex had kind of a chip on his shoulder. I think his brother or something might of turned, but I'm not sure. He used to sit there and all but torture these proxies, trying to get something out of them. At the time I don't think many of us realized how hopeless it was. He tried everything he could think of, being nice, being threatening, provoking them, interviewing them about their lives. He'd switch us out and we'd do the good cop, bad cop routine.

Finally we found a proxy who seemed pretty unstable, and it was clear she'd just turned. Rex thought this was gonna be the one that would lead to the answer. That if we saved this one, we'd somehow be able to figure out how to save the rest. He worked on this proxy 24/7, non-stop, just doing everything he could to bring her back. After weeks of this, one day she just came back. She could remember things about her life again, and she got weepy and clingy with Rex. Couldn't be alone, always crying. Rex said it was because she was recovering from the shock, and that made sense. She was always apologizing. I spent a night watching her when Rex went out once, and she wound up all over me, just telling me how sorry she was and how she didn't mean it and that she was scared and please oh please don't leave me. The woman must've been twice my age, and it was just weird. But she was recovering, she was healing. She was getting healthier, and as time went on she became more stable and we thought for a one shining month that we had done it.

And then one night she snapped. She killed Rex and a few of the others in our group. Left me with a nasty scar on my neck. She ran off and to this day I have no idea what happened to her. She's probably dead by now. The woman was an entire laundry list of problems. That was when it became pretty clear that being brain wiped isn't something you can just come back from, and that sometimes there are some people who aren't worth saving.

Nowadays if you see a proxy it's best just to kill it while you can. They were people once, but letting them live is more detrimental than it is beneficial. They love mind games, and all it takes is dropping your guard once for them to get you. You do not want them within a thirty mile radius of you unless they have a bullet in their head. I've read a couple of miracle cases online, where a very strong person mentally can manage to come back, but relapses are more common than you'd think, and miracle cases are the exception and not the rule. If you want to stay alive, and you want to keep your sanity in tact, kill or at least avoid all proxies.

#1 - Report

[01:12, 3/4/13]

Okay, so this works differently to the normal transcripts. The reports aren't dated or timed precisely like my normal transcripts are, and with reports, both the charming [audio confusion] Annalee and I are going to be making a report on what's been going on. So Okay. [clears throat] Since our last post thing whatever, we've - uh, Anna has fought and killed one proxy, and I helped sort of. And there - nothing, nothing else happened apart from that, except that the truck crashed and she made me go and get the body from under the truck and that was it was really bad, like, really awful. And, also, it was my birthday yesterday. Twenty-five. Yay. Nobody gives a fuck. Awesome. Anyway. Okay. [pause] So she dissected the proxy and did all kinds of gross stuff that I didn't really care to watch, and I'll pass over to my wonderful [clears throat] companion and she'll tell you all about it.

Wait what were we doing?

This is the thing I told you about, okay? When I did the recordings of the both of us? This is what its for, damn it, just [pause] talk about what's happened and stuff. 

Hang on, [pause] So what, I just [pause] talk at it?

Yes, you just talk at it! And whatever you say will become text on the screen. See? Watch. Test, whatever, one, two three. [pause, audio confusion] Like that. Pretty neat, right?

Holy fuck, look at that. Apples and bananas, ham and cheese, polly wolly doodle all day. (What the - no,) Shit, A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z [audio confusion] Danny I take it all back your program kicks ass.

Uh right, shit really? Um, okay, if you say so, I guess, but seriously, you're going to break it. Just stay on track and [pause, clears throat] Say what I told you to say, we'll have plenty of time to fuck around with it, later but it is actually saving to the auto-publish section of the programming right now? As in, this recording isn't a test? 

What? Oh yeah right. So are car blew up. That happened.

Yes that happened, and it sucked. But seriously, talk about the proxy and stuff, that's what I loaded this up for.

She wasn't anything special kid, just some poor lady who tried to kill us. She made us crash the car and then you stabbed her in the back and cried for an hour. All in all it was a pretty typical weekend.

Okay that right there, that, right there, that's not fair. I did not cry for an hour at all and you know it and we are supposed to be maintaining a professional image. I had an asthma attack and you made me crawl under a truck and pull out a corpse. [audio confusion]

Well hey I was the one who got shot and had to hold the truck up. It was a rough night, and we both did a good job. There was only one difference between our performances and that was that one of us didn't whine.

Okay. Okay. This was an absolutely terrible idea. I'm shutting it down.

Oh calm down, kid. Stop being such a tight ass.

No sorry, but if all you're going to do is lean over my shoulder, and tell the world how much of a little bitch you think I am, then I'm not running this anymore. You can keep everything on paper until the next time it gets fucking ashed. 

You need some tougher skin. You're like a peach. This is just like the eggs. You cook them and they suck, and then you pout for the rest of the evening.

They did not suck oh my god! I just can't cook! If I'm so bad than you should cook! [pause] Look just either you talk about relevant stuff, or I hit the off button. My cursor is on the off button. Look at it. It's there. Get talking.

You'd think you had a gun to my head. [pause] Okay so last Saturday night we went out to do a perimeter check after I found some dead animals on the porch [pause] and um while we were out we ran into a proxy and took care of her. Then we flipped the car and had to walk home. The proxy didn't turn out to be very speacial. [pause.] She um [pause] I'm guessing she was one of those empty ones. Just nothing left, you know?

[pause 00:24] I [pause] yeah, okay, that's [pause] that's all for that, I think. That's what happened to us, guys. Are we done? Anna, are we done? With the recording, is that all you wanted to say?

Yep. Now come on, we're going out.

Wait where? Uh, yeah, okay. That's the update for now, guys, bye.