Wednesday, April 23, 2014


My Mom was sort of like me when she was a kid, which is to say she was a complete burnout. She never went to college and she and my dad got married young when she was already like three months pregnant. Before I started high school a boyfriend of hers went nuts and killed her.

I don't remember her being around much when I was a kid. I know she was addicted to crank, and I know her boyfriend was working a kitchen, but I didn't find any of that out until after she died. You'd think having something like that happen in my family would turn me off from drugs. It's like one of those over the top fear factor PSA's they show you at school where Jessie just can't take the pressure and snaps on those Caffeine Pills crying loudly as Zach holds her and tells her it's going to be all right, they'll get her help. Yet not even three months later and there I was, out by the dumpsters learning how to roll weed.

My dad hated her for the longest time, and I'm not going to lie and pretend she was a good mom, because she wasn't, but I don't know...I would rather have her be the worst mom, alive rather than dead.

When I was really little, back when she was still sort of herself, I remember she used to come home late from these parties, and sneak into my room with hot chocolate, sort of as an apology.

I bring it up because those messages about me on the blog are all sort of to do with my mom, and that worries me. It's like someone's trying to use her to psyche me out.

I've been trying to talk to Annalee about it but she's been busy trying to patch up the holes in the floor of the shack and put it back together after all these months of neglect. It feels kind of like she's been ignoring me.

Beau's been saying she's out of it because of what the people at Legion did to her. He said they have a way of fucking with your brain, and a long time ago, they did something to her that fucked her up big time. I guess she's got uncomfortable memories all over the place too.

She's still not letting anyone look at the files, but at least no one's bothered us since we've been back. Knock on wood.

I don't know, what do you guys think?