Thursday, June 27, 2013

Another Bad Dream

I've been so tired lately that really there hasn't been much room to sleep. I've taken up sleeping the same way a two-year old does, which would be sleeping on and off every two hours when I'm not being hit over the head by Hippies with banjos, or being kept up by Annalee. Recently she's been pretty in-active due to the ribs, if a little crabby, and tonight was the first full night of sleep I've had in a while.

So of course it'd be a nightmare.

I fell asleep next to Annalee on the couch and I dreamed that I was standing in a warehouse. It was dark, and it was hard to tell if it was supposed to be night or day. Beau, the hippie with a banjo, was there with me. His face was all torn up though and he looked like he'd been through hell.

He said, "You best be careful which cage you build for yourself, kid."

It didn't make sense, but I looked over and saw the floor of the room was soaked with blood. There were bodies on the floor, gaping up at us.

I wanted to ask Beau where we were but the next thing I knew I was falling and I landed in a clearing. The trees were all black and dead like they'd been burned and in the center of the clearing was a dead deer. It looked like it'd been shot in the head, and the funny thing was the first thing that popped into my head was that Disney movie. The one where the mother deer gets shot. I'm too lazy to google it right now, it had a B in it, didn't it? I used to love that one I don't know why I can't think of it.

Beau came up behind me and I think I was crying. He said something along the lines of, "Just let it lie."

Then Annalee woke me up by shooting a rattlesnake of all things. Just glad it wasn't a fucking deer, though I doubt there are many of those in the desert.

I have no idea what to make of it. It seems like nonsense. Definetly not as straightforward as the dream about zombies.

Annalee seems to think the deer represents something I'm close to, or something that makes up a good deal of my life, and that the reason I had the dream was because that part of me is no longer there or something. I don't know, it seems to make sense to her althought she can't tell me why the hell my hippie guardian angel was there or whatever. She doesn't seem to want to talk about him that much at all, which is weird because if it weren't for him spouting out where I was at and then putting it on the blog she would've never found me. Oh well, I don't think I really even believe dreams mean all that much, at least not this one. It was too random.

Still, if you all have any ideas, I suppose they'd be helpful. That's all I've got for now.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

And that's why you don't get into petty fights.

Did I ever mention that rule? Don't fight about shitty stuff because if you do, you wind up lying on a couch with two broken ribs and nothing to do.

Glad to see the world didn't completely come to an end while I was away. Though it seems we got pretty damn close.

But you don't want to hear about that do you? I'm assuming you all want to hear about what all was up with me while I was out looking for Danny.

Now contrary to what some of you seem to think (~, I am looking at you.) I am an uncaring bitch who doesn't give a rats ass whether you live or die. That's not even true half of the time assholes, since every fucking thing I do is all for the benefit of saving peoples lives.

I wasn't actually really expecting him to actually leave. I thought he'd wander off for a bit and then wander back since that's usually what happens when I kick him out. This time was a little different then the other times though. We hadn't really gone at it like that before. I went off looking for him and, (as seems to be the case anytime I decide to do anything,) had to jump through a few loops. I was already exhausted as hell when Roland gave me an address, and on top of that I had to go through this proxies boss. One of the nastiest fights I ever had.

The Boss, as I shall call him in order to sound ironical, was a big ugly lookin guy. He was weird looking too, dressed in all red. The second I saw him the hallway of that hotel got cold and dark and it felt like we scuffled for days. He got me pinned, and like an idiot chose the opportunity to stamp on my stomach, which accounts for the broken ribs. He was trying to break my leg when I got the drop on him and managed to slit his throat. After that the loop died. My guess was this asshole Boss wanted me dead and was the one utilizing the loops, using Danny as bait. The probation proxy is the one that I've been dealing with back home for the last few days, (though if ever there were a case of man behind the curtain...)

It's been a rough couple of weeks and I'm glad to be home. I'm glad Danny is here with me. Fucking hell am I glad this didn't turn out worse.

He was right I guess when he said I have a hard time dealing with the fact I can't save people. I try with the tips on self-defense and the shoulds and shouldn'ts and so on, and I wish I could cure proxies and kill these things that are dogging us. I wish I could watch more runners die happy. But that's not the way the world works, and I wish I could change that too, but that's not something that will ever occur. But at the same time I refuse to become complacent with the shit I am witnessing. I may have hardened to loss of life over the years, but not to emotion and not to the evil in this world. I do everything in my power to stop that, and I know that my effort and the effort of everyone who works to prevent evil is not insignificant.

And as for Georgia.

Fuck, we'll save that talk for some other time. I don't have the energy tonight.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Back at the Shack

Annalee is finally up again, and drinking to boot which I guess is a good sign. We're back at the shack and she's been sleeping on and off. The last few days for her haven't been that great. According to her she went out looking for me not long after I left and got caught up in shit with that proxy. Apparently there were goons who were trying to get me killed, specifically the boss proxy who fucked her up. She didn't know where I was and was having a hard time tracking me down, all while the proxy was screwing with her. I asked her how I'd recognized the proxy but she said that was probably in my head, that I wouldn't know him. I think she's lying but whatever, I'm not going to get on her for that again. At least not right now. I think after all that shit I trust her enough to know she isn't going to try anything.

In all frankness I've been pretty exhausted too. After sleeping on park benches I have new found appreciation for the shack. Right now I think we're both trying to focus on recuperating. Annalee's got some broken ribs she needs to focus on healing. I'm also probably going to be in for a rough patch here soon, since I left the meds I had in the hotel room. It won't be as bad as the first time I went off them, but it won't be much fun.

Otherwise we're all fine, and we'll keep you updated.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

So Okay...

Everything is alright now. I don't know how, but somehow shit turned out alright.

After Beau knocked me out, he dragged me to a hotel where I guess we were staying. I don't know for sure because I've been out for a while. It's hard to remember exactly what happened, but I do know this.

Yesterday night at 3 am somebody hacked into my laptop and made a recording. 

Hey, you're waking up...

I...wait a!

(I'm guessing I recognized the proxy.)

Hey, don't get up to fast you're going to get a head rush or something. 

....Where...Where is Beau?

Him? He left.


(The hotel window in our room is broken, like someone went through it. I'm guessing that's how Beau "left.")

How are you feeling? You've been looking pretty terrible, and after all the cold turkey stuff too. Danny you need take it easy. 

The fuck do you want with me?

Whoa! What makes you think I want anything with you? We're just talking Danny.

Stop fucking calling me that!

Oh that's right you prefer Daniel. Heh, it's kind of a funny coincidence am I right?

What is?

Well that's what your mother called you wasn't it? And now that's what she's been calling you.

How the hell do you know that?

Oh you know, you hear stuff.

How the hell do you know shit about what my mother does?

Hey, all in good time. We don't want to rush anything.

Rush anything?

We've barely scraped our way out of the exposition Danny. I can't just reveal everything in one go, then what kind of villain would I be?

You're insane.

Well I am a proxy. Sanity isn't exactly necessary for the application.

Are you here to make me a proxy?

It all goes through one ear and out the other with you doesn't it, oh tisk tisk, I guess I can give you an idea of what your role in this scenario is. Might help things run a little smoother in the long run you know? It's a double edged sword knowledge, Annalee will tell you that any other day of the week. Truth is Danny, you're bait again.

What? Bait?

[Audio Confusion]

Oh and speak of the devil.

(There's a lot of corruption and weird noises at this point, I'm assuming because Annalee is a noisy bitch. I cut the part that was hard to understand.)

and if you think about hugging me again I will personally carve your eyes out!

Heh, well I suppose it's better than just outright doing it. I mean you gave me warning this time. I think we're starting to get to know each other.

I told you to shut the hell up.

The blood on your face...oh dear you killed my boss.

Your boss?

I've been on probation for a while. People seem to think I'm a loose cannon.

Can't imagine why.

I rather liked him though. Nice fellow, kind of like you around the temperament.

Annalee, I'm here!


The fuck did you do to him?

Well to be fair, he mostly did it to himself, I mean...What did you expect would happen when you kicked him

[Audio Confusion]

Ooo. Yep. That...That was by nose.

Aren't there some other idiots around who you could go scare with your antics?

But Annalee, you are scared of by antics aren't you?

How about I shove your head into the radiator and then we'll see. 

Careful, I'm recording this.


Don't say anything you'd regret telling everyone.

You son of a bitch.

Don't talk about my mother that way, come on Annalee, no need to be so har

Get the fuck out of my sight.

See that's what I'm talking about right there, you always


Okay, Okay, a guy can take a hint. Sorry for bothering you. 

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Oh...fair warning. He's here.


(The audio cuts out here again. The recording starts spewing errors. This is the last bit that's eligible.)


I know you are, hun.

I don't want to die.

Of course you don't.

I don't want to be a proxy. 

Shh...Nothing is going to get you. I'm here alright, so stop crying you dumba

And that's where it ends. When I came to, Annalee and I were hiding in the hotel room's closet. Annalee's still out cold. The fight with whoever's boss along with spending a night hiding in a closet from Slenderman really took it out of her. Right now she's sleeping in the back of the truck, and I'm trying to drive back home.

I'll give you guys some more updates later.

Also thank you.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Blue is the best damn color!

[01:59:32, 19/6/13]

So what I just talk and...shit look at that!

Yep, that seems to be the reaction to this sort of thing.

Shit man! Shit.

Yes. Shit indeed.

Ha, this is great. Look at that. She sells sea shells by the sea shore. Mary had a little lamb. I fought the law and the law one, no well, close enough.

So alright then, sorry about the last post everyone. As you can see I am not dead, nor in any immediate peril for now, nor was I being followed. Well okay...strike that, I was being followed by this guy.


Want to introduce yourself dude?

Uh...okay. My name is Beau. Beau Roland. 

And tell us about yourself Mr. Beau Roland.

I am a traveling minstrel. A musical nomad. I go where the wind calls me, with Banjo in hand, singing the songs of the infinity.

That's fucking beautiful. 

I know right? If only I could make it rhyme.

So it turns out Beau was the one tracking me, because...uh...because?

Well you seemed like a pretty lost little dude. I noticed you fucking around in the town, looking miserable and shit. Figured I'd stick around to see if you were alright. Not like I had any where else to be, wind was calling me to you.

Yeah, that's why. Real good guy this guy. 

Right back at you.

Heh,'re a runner right?

Well...I guess so if you're talking pale men in suits. I'm not in a big hurry to get gutted out and strung up in a tree. But he ain't the boss of me or nothing. I just go where I want.

It's lucky I met you.

That's one way to put it.


You could call it fate if you want. Ultimate destiny. That kinda shit.


Just talking to myself. 

You're so fucking weird.

And you're so fucking high man.

Heh, yeah. 

You out here by yourself?

Yeah, I got kicked out of the place I was squatting in cause I suck.

So I heard.

Everyone's fucking heard. Everyone's all, Danny gotta go out and live and stuff. Don't give up! Fuck that. Fuck trying! Fuck Annalee! Fuck my Dad! Fuck fucking every one.

That's a lot of fucks.

I give no fucks!

Okay man, okay. Calm down. Truth is I'm not really here by accident.


I'm like your spiritual guide man. The mystical vision who appears to you to guide you on your journey. Like the animated lion cloud formation in that one Disney flick. 


I'm here to give you some worthwhile advice. 

Fuck advice!

Hey, quiet down man. You're losing it. Now you're in a bad place. I get that. Now I've looked you up some. Paid your old man a call. And I get you. You're one of those poor souls the world likes to forget. Like Eleanor Rigby.


Exactly! Now I know your tripping cliffs right now, and you probably can't understand one thing I'm saying, but hopefully you're gonna read this when it goes up on your blog. I know why you don't like people trying to help, you think you're gonna belly flop and let em all down. But you know what they say about losing every game you don't try in. That's like kindergarten right there. It's easy enough. Wandering off on your own and being a jerk off ain't no way to help anyone. You're just running cause you're scared.

Ugg! Stop talking!

You been treated bad, and I'm sorry for that. But don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself. I don't feel sorry for myself. I think my life is pretty good. I had a free meal at a Mongolian Barbecue today, and made love to this fiery mamacita just the other day. 

I...I thought you said you fucked a guy.

Hm? Oh yeah, him too. I get around. Point is, the sun's up right now and it's shining. And the air is sweet and the birds are singing, and tonight we'll look up and see the stars burning brighter than anything, and we know they're there but they're too far away to see. And the sky will look like a big pretty bowl stretched out farther than anything. And you only got one life to see all that, to enjoy it. So you may not survive buddy, in fact I guarantee you won't. But the universe is singing! It's all there, more majesty for a peasant who knows that than a king who doesn't. So why worry and lay down on the ground with your eyes closed? Huh. Live kid! I won't tell you it's easy, but it's sure as hell a miracle that too many folks take for granted. 

...Who are you?

Beau Roland, poet and minstrel of the land. A land that is specifically Caliente, Nevada in a parking lot, down town, near the city's biggest library. Hurry, we aren't alone.

Hey what do you think you're doing?

Calm down, you'll thank me for this. 


[audio confusion] how do I turn this thing


Sunday, June 16, 2013

This is it.

There's someone following me. He's been there for a few days now, and I'm not going to pretend I don't know why he's there.

Well this is it. Whatever happens now happens.

I'd like to tell you if it comes to it I'm going to go down fighting, but of course I can't make any promises. In all likelihood I'll just wind up embarrassing myself.

I don't know what will happen to the blog after I'm gone. Chances are this is the last post.

So I guess I might as well get some shit off my chest.

First to all of you people who've been following the blog. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been that douche who walks in last minute and fucks it all up. I'm sorry you've had to waste your time reading my bitching only to have this be the final conclusion. I know you are all as scared as I am and it is probably infuriating to see an asshole like me throw it away after coming so far.

I was a lost cause who got incredibly lucky, and I'm sorry but luck will only get you so far, and there's no way I can survive on my own.

Second to Annalee.

If you ever read this, I want you to know I don't think you're a murderer. I think you're a crazy bitch who needs to dig her way out of her own rathole, but I also know you do the things you do because you hate this life, and unlike me you have the strength to try. I'm sorry I was such a waste of your time, and I don't want you to blame yourself for whatever happens to me. I don't want anyone to blame you for what happens to me because no one ever did more for me than you.

That's it then I guess.


Friday, June 14, 2013

Back to Square One

So last post Annalee kicked me out of the house, because I pushed her too far or whatever. Big surprise there, it's probably a surprise it didn't happen sooner.

Actually the real surprise is why I didn't walk out sooner. No one I know would've put up with Annalee's shit. It's like living in bootcamp with Remember the 60's playing nonstop. I've had "My Boyfriend's Back" stuck in my head for days now. Also Annalee, despite the fact you'll never read this because you threw out the guy with the computer, your singing is fucking terrible and The Angels would be ashamed.

Anyway, as soon as the transmission cut she pretty much tossed me out and locked the door. I managed to walk to the road and hitch a ride in to town. I'm not exactly rolling in cash so I've been just kind of hanging in this library and sleeping on park benches. It really isn't ideal. Annalee's tried to teach me poker but I don't exactly have anything to bet with besides my laptop. I really don't want to sell my laptop but the options getting more and more appealing.

I guess I might as well just wait to die. I've been throwing up because of the drugs and it won't be long before the sleeping outside kills me, or I wind up in jail again. Actually jail sounds awesome, I should go get arrested. Or committed. "I spent five months in a shed near area 51 with a psychotic hispanic bitch with a drinking problem, robbing hospitals, and being hunted down by a giant hentai monster and his evil mind control minions."

This is what my life amounted to in the end. Fucking figures.

I don't know where I'm going. It doesn't really matter I guess.

She's probably better off without me anyway. She kept saying I wasn't worth her time, but I know she really was trying to help. It's just a little depressing when the female version of Rambo says even she's done with you and your shit.

But hey, that's what I wanted. I got what I had coming. You say what your thinking to your shitty friends, and low and behold they don't want you around anymore. I guess it won't matter either way.

I have no idea where that leaves you guys, but what do you care? The two of us are just how you distract yourselves from your own petty lives, like a damn reality show.

Please direct any and all self help advice to PO Box Go Fuck Yourself.

I've heard it all before, and I'm done.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Report #5

[06:19:33, 11/6/13]

Man. It's been a while since we did one of these.

It has.

So the last few weeks have been a little crazy for us, but you know, when aren't they crazy...We uh...We've really hit the storeroom and worked hard putting all this information we've uploaded into a serious lockdown. No one can access it as per your requirement...And apparently there's a proxy running around I didn't know about so we've had that on our plate as well.

...Guys a real fucker, believe me.

I guess I really don't have a choice on that one.

Oh God, is this about what Kelevra said again?

I didn't say that.

You've been glaring at me all day so far.

The guy has a fucking point Annalee! I draw a damn mustache on your face and you go right to tying me to a chair, but now your hiding important shit and you expect me to just trust you when you say you've got it all under control.

Because it's important shit Danny! Shit that is meant for one person to deal with. You have to trust me when I say I know how the fuck it needs to be dealt with and hold the fort while I do.

You never trust me though!

You're right! I don't! Because you have proven time and time again that you can't be trusted!

The fuck are you talking about?

The hospital Danny! I'm talking about the hospital. You think I wasn't going to take an inventory on just what we came out with. You think I wouldn't notice when some of it went missing............For fuck's sake Danny you put the two of us through all that cold turkey shit, made yourself about as useless and sick as you possibly could, and now you've gone and started it all up again!

...Shut up.

Not only that you never listen to anything I say, you proven you can't defend yourself, you haven't shown any drive to ever get out of here, and you think you can come in here, into my home, and ask me to trust you when you act like that?...I on the other hand keep having to save your ass so you might have at least guessed by now that I have your best interest in

Just shut up okay! You act like you're so high and mighty but you're just a drunk who knows how to kill and nothing else!

...Excuse me?

You're just as useless as I am, and you hate that! You act like such a genius because you read those trashy ESP studies. Might I remind you which one of us actually got the degree?

I saved your ass!

And you've just been waiting to kill me haven't you! Just like that Georgia girl you had before me! Because that's all you know how to do!

.........Get out of my house Danny.


Take your shit! And GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!


Sunday, June 9, 2013

Dealing with Proxies

It's hot as hell here. Summer in the dessert is a fuckin nightmare I'll tell you that.

I probably owe some of you an apology for the last few posts. I've never been good with dealing with people and I jumped into this internet thing much too fast. I realize that now. Been talking with Danny and we both came to a decision to up our discreetness.

In regards to what happened with what Danny was talking about, for his sake I've decided to divulge a few details just to calm some of you assholes down a bit. The less goddamn curiosity there is going around the better.

There's been an issue with a proxy. A bad one who's been hanging around here as of late, sticking his little nose in when I least expect it. This proxy has been looking for some attention, and I'm seeing to it that he doesn't get any. He's a scrawny little bastard with an inflated ego and who isn't worth the energy to type about and the less time you spend thinking about him the better off we'll all be.

In lieu of that, why don't we talk some more about proxies and how not to take their shit.

1. Don’t sit around and listen to bullshit monologues. Proxies love that kind of crap. They love to tell you how awful you are, taunt you, make you feel bad about yourself. If you sit around and listen, it’s your own damn fault when they manage to kick the gun out of your hand. Shoot first, listen to boring monologues later.

2. If you get a note telling you to meet somewhere. Don’t go. Or at least arrive late and set the damn deserted warehouse on fire. If a proxy has useful information, they’ll be a lot quicker to spill it

3. Don't give em the time of day. So many of you idiots waste time talking to proxies like their your annoying drunk cousin at a family reunion. Don't talk to them, don't give them an opportunity to know you or get inside your head!

4. Everybody could be a proxy, and so don't go wandering into dark alleys with that kind man who's going to give you directions. Don't assume you'll be able to tell who the non-proxies are.

5. Don't cooperate with them. Sure they're going to sit there and tell you how much you need them, but I think we can all agree there are other options at times.

6. Be prepared to kill your friends. It happens. Good and kind people become proxies and chances are you will not be able to fix them. You can't hesitate.

7. If there's one thing I hate, it's those proxies who try to tell you you're just as much of a bad person as they are. That's bullshit. Unless you're some kind of fucked up mental patient, your soul person is probably not causing misery for every single innocent person you come across. Remember that.

8. Don't go looking for proxies. It's just a bad plan. Much easier to just let em find you.

9. Don't let a proxy get a hold of your emotions. It doesn't matter how many of your friends they've killed or how many times they've spit in your face. If you get a real thrill of joy out of killing them, you're on a one way ticket to becoming a proxy.

10. Bury the proxies you've killed. Makes you feel better about the people they used to be. It's a good way to cope. Killing proxies is fine, but do it with respect. They are people after all.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

The purpose of my last post was NOT to whine about how she wasn't trusting me for fuck's sake, screw you guys, and screw you too, Annalee. The purpose of it was just in case something bad happened. I was just making a note!

I can't be doing blog shit much anymore. I'm doing other more important things with my time and Anna is just being a creep and freaking me out.