Sunday, November 23, 2014

Report #13

[11:22:06, 11/23/14]

So, finally checking in. Status update, absolutely nothing.

Sorry, Bro. This might take a while.

I understand that. Doesn't make it not annoying as hell.

Like I said, we may not find anything at all. That said, it's weird being back here.

Have you come back since you were here with her?

No. Never.

For all our loyal listeners out there, Beau and I are currently in an abandoned warehouse. Why, I hear you ask? Because apparently this is the last place that my mom was with Rex's gang, right Beau?

This was the last place I ever saw her, yes.

Unfortunately, other than the delightful dank smell and the cobwebs there appears to be nothing here.

Your mother can use the path, so my guess is she'll come out when she's good and ready.

It makes me think there's no reason to keep moving around trying to chase after her.

Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. I doubt she'd show up around Anna though. They didn't uh...part on good terms.

Oh God no, I didn't mean waiting for her to show up at the shack. That'd be a whole extra level of nightmare.

My plan is to find some places with significance to her. Maybe she'll show up.

I guess that sounds as good as anything else. Though I'm not a big fan of hitchhiking, how can you do it so often, Beau?

I don't know. I've been doing it for so long it doesn't really bother me anymore.

I guess I understand the concept of being able to get used to anything.

You do live with Anna.

Exactly my point. I never thought I'd have a point in my life where I considered rattlesnake an everyday dinner item, but look at me now.

A true wild boy.

For those who can't see I am literally jumping for joy.

We are all so proud.

I should program sarcasm detection into this thing. Seems like it'd come in handy.

Well I was only half sarcastic.

Hm, it'd be tricky to program half sarcasm into it.

Well, now I suppose we'll need to figure out somewhere else to go.

You got any more hot spots?

Hot spots?

You know, important places from her past.

Well kid, she is your mom.

Do you......You think we should go to my house?

I don't know, should we? Was that place important to her?

I don't, I mean, she was never there, I doubt she'd care about it. More likely we should check one of her crack dens.

Any idea where one of those might be?

Nope. We could try her grave.

She wasn't really buried there though, was she?

I guess not. I guess this is just proving how little I know about my own fucking mother.

Well I'm guessing you were important to her right?

It's doubtful.

You okay?

I'm fine. It's fucking pathetic is it that I can't even come up with a place that means anything to my own fucking mom?

Well that isn't your fault kid.

I know. I mean, yeah. It's been a long day is all. I had hoped we'd find something here.

Well maybe there's a clue here we still haven't found.

True. Wanna look around?

One more sweep can't hurt.

We're not going to get much else done today anyway.

Until next time then?

We'll check back in if anything actually happens.


Monday, October 20, 2014

Report #12

[2:53:45, 10/21/14]

Hey guys, guess who finally showed up?

I did.

Welcome to our humble shack Beau, how was your trip?

All right, ride could have been better. Got caught in a pretty messed up detour. Remember kids, don't hitchhike. It's dangerous and I'm a professional.

Thanks for the PSA.

It is my personal pleasure.

Anyway, first thing tomorrow, Beau and I are setting out to find my mom. I can't believe it's really happening. Thanks for doing this Beau, really really, it means a lot.

Well yeah, like I said, it is my personal pleasure. No big deal.

Sorry, I'm just fucking excited.

Right. No I know.

If you're excited I'd say you're going into this with the wrong attitude.

I'm not going to be stupid about it, Anna. But I mean.......Seeing my mom again, it's been something I never thought could ever happen.

Good for you man, I'm glad we can help make it happen.

I mean, I've been prepping for the past two weeks. My fingers are shot to hell, I'm not made out for this sewing shit. I even did some of that shooting practice Anna's always on me to do.

I have a sewing machine dumbass. You look like Raggedy Andy.

Shut up, I did it in the end.

It'll be super fucking funny when a bunch of money falls out of the legs of your pants.

Ha ha ha ha.

Shut up! I did fine, it's fine, it's good enough.

Ah man, don't get all pouty, Anna's just messing with you. This is how she shows affection.

Fuck you Roland.


Good to know.

So Anna, are you letting us take the truck?

Fuck no, I need that.

We can hitchhike I guess. It'll be fine as long as the master is with me, right?

Yep, but it might take a little longer. We're working on conjecture here, so first stop is Texas. You sure you don't want to at least lend it to us?

I've got driving I've got to get done too, okay? And hitchhiking is the fucking worst. I once got picked up by a van of white supremacists.

What makes you think she's in Texas?

Last place I ever saw her. Thing about Proxies is they have "the path" so she could be jumping around anywhere.

Be honest Beau? What's the chance we actually manage to find her?

I can't say for sure. I'd say it's likely. You're her kid, and I think she wants to be found.

Yeah of course she does, so she can give you a big fat cuddly hug while driving a knife into your


You don't know that Anna. I know you think you know better about everything, but you don't know that for certain.

I can reason a pretty educated guess.

Anna, come on, we're already here, we're going.

Tomorrow. We're leaving tomorrow Anna.

Right, yes. Of course.

Aww cheer up. We still have tonight.

Ew. Do I have to sleep outside?



Ew ew ew please let's not talk about it.

You're the one who asked.

Hey now, nothing to be embarrassed about we're all friends here. We tell it like it is.

You are not helping anything.

It's bad enough that you do it, just please please don't talk about it.

Our love is beautiful.

That is the last thing our love is and you know it.

Shhh...We are epic.

Moving on! Moving on. Um, Annalee, I'll teach you how to use that flashdrive program before we go, okay? Anything else that needs wrapping up?

Uh, one thing I guess.


I got you something.

What? That's unlike you.

Oh yeah, I only let you live in my house without paying rent. Generosity sure isn't like me at all.

Fine, whatever, you're kindness incarnate. What is it? .........................Is this a rabbit's foot? Like an honest to goodness real rabbit's foot?

It honest to goodness is.

Did you like, cut it off a rabbit yourself?

What did you think I'd buy a shitty curio one? Those things are fake as hell. Don't even fucking know to get the goddamn left foot. Like what good is that piece of shit going to do anybody.

That sounds just like you Anna. Thanks.

You're welcome.

Nothing to wish Beau good luck?


Do us all a favor and don't even start that sentence honey.

Good call Anna. Before this all goes horribly, horribly off topic in the worst way possible, anyone have any last things to say on the recording?

May the road rise to meet us and may the wind always be at our backs.

You don't Irish bless yourself idiot.

And on that note, we'll end this report. I'll post again once we're on our way. We're leaving tomorrow. God, I can't even believe that. We're leaving tomorrow to go find my mom. See you all later.


Thursday, October 2, 2014

No, I'm not an idiot

Though to your guys' credit, nobody seemed to think that I had stormed off into the desert after Anna and I had that fight. Maybe I'm not as “battle-hardened” as she is, but I wouldn't just go running out unprepared trying to find a proxy with several kills to her name. I have at least that much common sense. It'd be pretty much suicide wandering out by myself without any sort of plan, trust me, I haven't forgotten what happened last time I set out on my own. No matter how many times you've been kidnapped, you still remember just how much each time sucked.

I was still thinking about it, but meanwhile life has been going on as normal around here. Annalee's been doing what she does, still trying to do something about my favorite little brain implant, and I've been doing what I do. Been putzing about working on some kind of independent recording program, probably on some kind of disk drive, so that Annalee can still make audio reports from a different computer if she wants. I'm going to take mine with me when I figure out the logistics of going after my mom. And although I doubt that Annalee will even be able to figure out how to use the fancy tech I'm putting my time into making her, it could be useful for her to have. I have plenty of free time.

But none of that's really important, I'm making this update because things are finally getting moving. I made a call to Beau, the banjo guy who has the “history” with Anna. He knew my mom after she became a proxy, and he has agreed to come with me to find her. He seemed to have similar worries to Anna about it being dangerous, but was more understanding than her when I explained how important it was. Besides, I'm going to be careful about it.

We are leaving pretty much as soon as he gets here, which I think should be soon since he said he wasn't far away. Anna hasn't said anything, but I think she's looking forward to seeing him. It's hard to tell, but I think she really likes him.

Speaking of Anna, we've made up. I mean, she still thinks going after my mom isn't a great idea, but she's letting me go. She doesn't seem that upset about it, I think she even trusts me to be safe which is exciting, since she so often doesn't trust me. I also promised her that I'd have five easily accessible weapons on me at all times. I hope I won't have to use them, but it's safer this way, and it makes her worry less. I know she's worrying about me, isn't she sweet.

Speaking of sweet, she said I've grown up. Actual quote right there. Wish I'd gotten it recorded so that I could prove that she'd said it if she ever tried to take it back. This is a great sign of progress.

I'll check back in when Beau gets here. I can't wait to finally be doing something, I'm sick of sitting around here while my mom is alive out there.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Report #11

[2:13:05, 9/9/14]

So, hi guys.

Yes. Hello.

Wow, Annalee. Thanks for actually talking to me today, unlike recently.

Hey I talk to you.

Not about anything important.

I thought you said you wanted to do a report.

Yeah, I do. Where's my mother?

How the hell should I know? It's not like I've got a tracking collar on her or whatever.

Well an area then! I know you know, I know you've got an idea of where she is.

Oh you know huh? Did you know I once saw your mom rip a guy's throat out with her finger nails? Did you know that?........Danny I'm not an idiot. I know how this shit works. Its the oldest trap in the eldritch terror book and I know you think, Oh I'm Danny and I went to college so I have a fucking idea what I'm doing, but you don't okay? You are starting down one hell of a bad road.

Stop it. Stop saying shit like that.

No. Because you're thinking you've got the power to fix her and you know what? I'm going to tell it to you straight. You don't.

Well maybe I don't, but we can find someone who does!

She's a lost fucking cause.


She didn't care about you enough to be there for you when she was normal! What makes you think you're enough now! Shit. Fuck. I didn't mean that.

She's my mom, and you weren't fucking there! How do you know how she felt about me! Screw you and your stupid leave everyone behind life, I'm not you!

You're only setting yourself up to be hurt, or worse.

I'm sorry that my heart's not so frozen solid that I can just abandon everyone I ever loved like you do! Maybe if it was your mom you'd go out there and kill her without blinking but it's not, it's my mom. And maybe you've forgotten that there are things worth being hurt for!

Nobody said you had to go out and kill her.

You were thinking it! I bet you were thinking that if my mom was just dead then it would make everything so much fucking easier. Well, I lived with my mom being dead for basically my entire life and I'm not going back to it.

Alive or not she's not the person she was when you knew her. Is it not sinking in she's killed people? People who didn't want to do anything but help her! I was sixteen when she did this to me? Do you really want that back in your life?

You kill people!

I kill proxies Danny! I kill people who want me dead! People who have knives to my throat. You know why? Because I'm no good to anybody fucking dead. Not to them, not to you, or anybody else.

If I became a proxy, you'd kill me, wouldn't you.

Danny I'm trying to help you.

I know you would because you've fucking said that you would!

Would you calm down and think with your brain for one moment. Just be logical.

You say you're trying to help me, but you'd be the first fucking person to give up on me and put a hole in me or cut my head off or stab me in the heart or dissect me to look at the goop in my brain! I mean nothing to you!

Is that what you think?

Of course that's what I think because it's true.

You know what Danny. You're an adult. You make your own decisions. If you want to go find your mom, fine. Go ahead. I'm not going to stop you.

Maybe I fucking will, Anna.

Prove me wrong. I honest to God hope you do.

That's it. Recording over. I'm done.


Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Back From LA

So I'm back! We're back. Whatever, either way the whole mission was a failure. I've never seen Annalee so upset. Not that she's showing it on the outside, but I can tell she's pissed. Her "contact" had absolutely no idea how to take this spark plug out of my head. I'd be gloating over her finally getting beaten by someone if it didn't mean that I have a kill switch directly implanted in my brain.

That's really bringing me down these days.

In other news, Annalee won't let me out of the house. She doesn't want me going out to find my mom I guess. I mean, I get that. But I'm not a fucking kid. And it feels like I'm in prison or something. I never really realized how little freedom I have. Since I've gotten here, she hasn't trusted me to go anywhere alone. Annalee has all but literally chained me to my desk. She just keeps glaring at me from across the room, it's freaking me out. Basically, I'm not getting a moment to myself any time soon.

Now that I've got all this free time
I've been going back through my old blog posts (nothing better to do. Why can't I remember how I spent all my fucking time before this?). Way back in the beginning I said that I wouldn't be hanging around with Annalee for very long. It's kinda weird to read that now, I mean, I'd completely forgotten about ever planning to leave. I don't know where I thought I'd go. And I'm obviously not going anywhere now with her literally keeping an eye on me every second.

Anna was also pretty pissed about me posting that last conversation. I am having a really hard time feeling sorry about it though. I deserved to know, (I deserved to know a LONG time ago), and now it's down in print, it's on the internet and it can never be completely deleted. It was about time I got the chance to have the upper hand on her.

I'm rambling. But anyway, I may be on here more often than usual cause I'm so bored. And I need something to keep me from staring at the door. She's my mother Annalee.

Monday, August 18, 2014


[8:42:17], 7/10/14

Is it off?

Yes its off, now tell me right now what that lady was talking about.

Danny, cool your jets for one second.

No! What the fuck was that lady talking about? Is she alive? Is my mother alive? You were asking about her, if we saw the body and we didn't!

Danny calm down.


Yes! She's alive, all right?

...How long have you known.

...A while.

Define a while, Anna. We're you ever planning on telling me? No of course you weren't, because god knows this doesn't concern me in the fucking slightest, its only my fucking mother!

Listen Danny, ok? Just be quiet and listen.

I'm listening.

Your mom. She's not...She was involved.

Involved with what? With that thing? What do you mean involved? She was a runner? I knew her right up until she died and I never saw one sign of

Think harder. What exactly did you see.

...No. Fuck no.


She was a drug addict, she wasn't a fucking proxy. 

There's a reason you're involved, as much as I hate to admit it, that bitch was right. There are no coincidences in this life, and you don't just begin to be stalked.

When did you find out this?

...Fifteen years ago, I was traveling around with a man named Rex, and his posse. You remember me telling you that.

That's where you met Beau.

That's besides the point. We found a proxy, who Rex was convinced we could bring back, but his plan backfired horribly and she wound up killing him and his girlfriend and giving me this scar right here. That was how I met your mother. 

...She was the proxy who..

You look enough like her its uncanny. When I picked you up in the woods that night I already suspected.

You knew the whole time. 

I didn't know for sure, it was just a theory.

Is that why you kept me?

Fuck no Danny, whatever the hell train of thought you're having, stop it right now!

Where is she?

I don't know.

Yes you do. You know!

Ok maybe I do, and if I tell you, you're going to run off into the dark to look for her? Danny's she's insane!


Danny do not go out there!

She's my mom Anna!

So fucking what? She's murdered people! She's tried to kill us! She left you to fucking rot and she didn't look back.

You said that Rex guy thought we could bring her back.

Don't even go down that road, now sit down and listen. Right now Laurel and her goons have a kill chip installed in your brain and we are going to get you fixed. Your mom is a bridge we are going to cross at a later date. I know a guy in LA who can probably take that think out. You're coming with me and that is that.

...She's my mom Anna. She needs me. 

...We'll figure it out.

What does that mean?

I don't know, we'll just...we'll figure it out okay. But right now, pack your bags, we're heading to LA.


Thursday, July 31, 2014


[8:09:35], 7/10/14

It really is a wonder this place hasn't fallen in on you yet. A house of cards would be more stable.

Shove it up your ass.

Just looking out for you Annalee dear, I worry about you on your own up here.

Yeah I bet you do.

How is Daniel?

Fine. Perfect. Super. Could not be better.

You make faces like that all the time and it'll stick like that you know.

Yeah well what's your excuse? Look can you just skip to the part where you stick a syringe in my neck and make me cry about my basket case mother? You making passive aggressive small talk is an embarrassment.

It's called etiquette but none the less your right. On to business. It's come to my attention you plan on leaking LEGION information to your KGB friend.

You can't really complain, can you? You pinned my eyelids open and zapped me senseless. Our truce is officially off.

Anna, I don't enjoy killing runners. Nor do I enjoy damaging them permanently.

Doesn't stop you from doing it.

It's counter-intuitive to my ultimate goal, and it's a sad facet of the job. You and I acknowledged that long ago, now didn't we?...But anyway. You've gotten to the point where you're unfortunately more valuable alive than dead. Congratulations.

Ha ha.

That's the product of all the sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. Now of course I could just lock you up and torture any information I wanted out of you, but you're not a petulant child anymore, and I can't just lock you up to make you behave anymore. So as you can see, my problem is-

How do you put me under your thumb, when torturing me proves not to work.

...Yes. How do I do that?

I'm sure you know the double B rule. Bribes and Blackmail. And you don't have shit on me to threaten me with, so what exactly are you going to offer?

Be realistic. I'd jump off a bridge before willingly giving you any of my documents.

So then we're at an impasse.

Oh it would appear that way. But unfortunately you once again slipped up.

...Beg your pardon?

Honestly Annalee, it is not as impossible to outfox you as you might think. You may be the luckiest business woman this side of the Mississippi, but you are a far cry from the cleverest.

...What did you do to him?

Daniel! Could you come in here please. Stop listening at the door like a stranger.

Oh shit.

Danny get your ass in here! We X-Rayed him there wasn't shit there. What did you do to him?

It's a tricky little device. Not impossible to detect but definitely hard to spot if you don't know what you're looking for. It can administer lethal levels of electric shocks.

No way, that's nothing but a bunch of scifi bullshit. You don't have that kind of torture weapon.

I'll demonstrate.

Holy fuck!

That's a light voltage. Of course a lethal voltage would be quite a bit more painful.


Anna darling, you make this too easy for me.

...What makes you think he matters to me?...Go ahead, kill him, I don't care.


Oh calm down Daniel, I know a bluff when I hear one. You honestly think there's one thing preventing me from delivering this dosage.

You said it yourself, killing runners is counterintuitive to your cause, and what do I have to lose other than a tie up. You kill him, and I'm free as a bird to kill you where you stand.

Very shrewd Anna, I'm impressed, and only how many glasses of alcohol in you? My goodness you must have two hollow legs.

Shut the fuck up.

Then again, maybe we could arrange to have you dragged back in. There were a few more blood tests that results I want to recheck. Also...


Anna it's a simple watch, no need to be afraid. I'll wind it back, and you tell me again about the night your father disappeared.

Stop it!

It must have been so hard, being abandoned again. Perhaps that's why you have issues with trus—Ugh!

You stay the FUCK out of my head, and stay the FUCK away from Danny.

What will you give me in return?...I'll tell you what you'll give me, you'll put me down this second for starters...Good girl.

Go to hell.

Next there's not going to be any export of those files you stole from us, nor will there be any disclosure on our operations or various projects. If your breach our confidentiality I'm not locking you up, I'm going to have you and your stooge shot and thrown in the ocean, is that clear?...I said is that clear Anna?

Yes, it's very fucking clear you psychopathic bitch.

There's not going to be any information trade with your Russian vigilante. I don't need some loaded unhinged fool storming my base, I deal with enough of those already.

Is that all?

Hardly. We still need a trade to re-cement our truce.

I think you meant to say noose.

You're adorable. I want two things, the first is the biological sample of your friend Tilde you took.

Why the hell would you want that? It's barely more than some raw azoth.

Oh there are some properties there I am very interested in.

You leave her the fuck alone.

I don't think my work is any of your concern. The second thing I want is Summer's remains...You have them don't you.

I burned Georgia.

You did say something to the contrary when we had you under. I think I have it on tape...Anna, where are they? I want the sample and the remains right now.

...Give me a minute.

Very good...So Daniel, I must ask, how's it been living in the desert with this trigger happy maniac? Must be very enlightening I imagine, though there are other runners I must say who would treat you with a bit more dignity.

Ughh shut up.

Still recovering from the shock? I apologize for that, it's a shame you'll have to suffice as Anna's leash for the time being. She's been without one for too long. Let's not talk about though while we're alone. How's your mother? Have you seen her?

...My what?

Your mother.

My mother's dead.

...Oh now that's cruel.

What!? What is!

I thought she'd told you.

Told me what?

I'll let you bring it up with Anna. An important lesson though Daniel, to keep in mind when you're living this life with these threats. Coincidences are never just coincidences. Ah and speak of the devil, wonderful. Oh and you've already labeled them too, though this isn't some sort of silly disguise trick is it.


We've got checks for that sort of thing.


Anna, what I'm asking is really not all that unreasonable. Cheer up.

Go fuck yourself.

This is Miss Summer's remains huh? Funny how a person after so much can fit into a jar this size DON'T YOU DARE HIT ME AGAIN.

Hey, it's my terms!


Get the fuck out of my house. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.

All right darling, no need to have a hernia. Daniel, my regards.

...She said something about my mother. She said you were keeping something from me...Anna?...Anna say something.

Turn off the computer.


Monday, July 28, 2014

There once was an one-eyed ox, who lived on a farm with many other animals. There was a dog, a pig, a horse, and a little barn rat, with whom he was all close friends. The Ox lived a good simple life on the farm, with the other animals, spending his days grazing in the field. One day, out of the blue, the Ox glanced up from his grazing and spotted a golden monkey, smiling at him from the tree's. He blinked and moved over to the tree's looking up.
"Hello, how are you?"
But the monkey didn't answer, it only smiled and tilted its head.
"My name is Ox, what's yours?"
But the monkey didn't answer, it still only smiled.
The Ox snorted in confusion. "Can you speak? Why aren't you answering me."
The monkey smiled, and pointed, and the Ox turned its head to look, but there was nothing, when it looked back, the monkey was gone.
The Ox thought about the monkey all that night and all the next day, wondering where it had come from and what it had wanted to show him. He couldn't enjoy grazing, or sleeping, or lying out in the warm sun, he could only think of the monkey and its haunting smile.
He went over to the tree's where he had spotted it before, but there was nothing there.
He sought the advice of his friend, the rat, who was sniffing around the farmer's garbage. "A monkey you say?" she inquired, chewing on a kernel of corn. "How interesting, I've never heard of one out here."
"I saw one though, I swear."
She chewed thoughtfully, her pink eyes glancing around. "Hmm, well I haven't seen one. If you see one again, let me know though, I'd love to see a monkey someday."
He thanked her and went to ask his friend the horse, who was standing out in the pasture, enjoying the breeze and the blue sky. "I've never seen a monkey in my life," he said, nuzzling the Ox's head. "Are you sure you aren't just seeing things?"
"I know what I saw."
"I wouldn't know where to look," he sighs, looking up at the sky. "But if you needed help searching, I would help," he said.
The Ox thanked him and went to go ask his friend the Pig, who was sunning herself, lying on her back. "There aren't monkeys out here. They live in the jungles."
"I am certain it was a monkey I saw."
"You'd have to prove it," the pig said simply, rolling over to blink at him and snort.
He bid the pig farewell and went to talk to the dog who was nipping at butterflies in the meadow.
"There are no monkeys out this far. You're a liar," she yapped, pawing at the ground.
"There was too a monkey, I know it."
"I'd have to see it to believe it."
The Ox bid the dog farewell and trotted off to the edge of the field to be by himself and to think.
A dove flew down on and landed on his horn. "I have seen the monkey," she whispered in his ear. "If you follow me tonight, I can show you."
"You will?"
She nodded, flying off into the trees. "Meet me here at sunset Ox, and I will show you the way to him."
She disappeared into the sky.
The Ox was elated, and quickly went to tell all of his friends. "You see? Now I can prove there was a monkey. You'll see. Come with us tonight and you'll all see."

Though some were more hesitant than others, the prospect of traveling out of the farm and through the strange forest in the dark unappealing, the idea of seeing the monkey got the better of them, and come sunset the Ox found the Dog, the Pig, the Horse, and the Rat all waiting for him by the tree. The Dove was perched in the same place she'd been before, fluttering her wings. "We'll go slowly," she said. "Just follow my lead."
She took off, landing on a branch a little ways inside the forest, waiting for them to follow. The Ox hurried after, crashing through the brush. The rat scurried after, mindful not to be trampled, the horse after her, stepping gingerly and glancing around in caution, the pig with her short legs huffing and puffing, and the dog brought up the rear, her back arched as if she expected to be pounced.
"It's getting so dark," she fretted. "And this place is full of so many strange smells. How will we find our way back?"
"We can follow our tracks," the Ox explained.

"There are things in here, watching us," said the dog.

"No there aren't," said the Ox. "You're just worrying too much."
The dog growled under her breath, and suddenly reared up in surprise as something slithered out from underneath her. The snake, snapped up, biting the dog in the neck, who yowled in pain, throwing the snake off and bolting. 
"Wait!" cried the Ox.
"You can go find your monkey, I want to go home," said the dog, and she crashed through the brush until she had disappeared from sight, only the sound of her whining left.

The other animals all looked at each other startled. 
"Maybe we should go back," said the Horse, who was easily spooked. "Maybe we should look for the monkey in the morning."
"You will only find the monkey in the dark," said the dove. "We do not have much time, let's go."

So the animals steeled themselves and continued on, the pig now bringing up the rear.
"Slow down," she called. "You're leaving me behind, I can't go as fast as the rest of you."

She made a quick burst of speed, as the animals began to drift out of view, only to fall head first into a ditch, her legs twisting uncomfortably, and she squealed in surprise. 
The other animals turned around quickly to try and help her. "Are you all right Pig?" they asked.
The Pig let out an unhappy sound, climbing out of the pit and limping quickly back in the direction of the farm. "I don't care about the monkey," she cried. "I want to go home too,"
"Oh Pig wait," the Ox called to her, but she'd already disappeared into the brush. 

Now it was just the Horse, the Rat, and the Ox left, the Ox sighed and turned back to the dove. "Well let's keep going."

As they got deeper and deeper into the forest, the dark began closing in, becoming thicker and even the brilliant white dove was hard to make out in the blackness. The horse was becoming frightened, moving at a crawl as he glanced around in fear at the dark shapes of the tree's against the ever shrinking sky. "I should go back too," he said softly.
"No," said the Ox. "We're almost there. Please stay with us."
"A horse needs to see the sky," the Horse explained. "I'm no good in the dark. Please tell me about the monkey, when you come back in the morning." He turned and began trotting back in the direction of the farm, leaving the Rat and the Ox alone.
"It is just you and me," said the Rat. "Although I admit, this forest is frightening."
"Will you leave too?" the Ox asked.
The Rat shook her head. "No, but perhaps I should ride on your back from here. I fear being stepped on."

The Ox nodded, bowing his head and the rat scurried up, nestling up on the crown of his head, and they continued on their way.

"The monkey is only a little ways away," said the Dove after a while. "Right through here."
The Ox, felt excitement flare up in his chest, at the thought of seeing the Gold Monkey again, and without stopping to consider, he charged forward through the brush, leaving the Dove behind.
"Wait no! Stop!" the rat shrieked, but it was too late. The ground disappeared out from under the Ox's hooves, and he fell through the air with a startled shout. The foolish Ox had run off the face of a cliff in the dark, and he tumbled down, landing with a harsh thud, that shook the earth. His bones were broken, his horns snapped in half, his back bent in two pieces. Beneath his heavy weight, the rat laid crushed. And the dumb foolish Ox, with his final breath looked up to see the monkey, smiling at him, with sharp teeth, laughing loudly. It filled his ears and rang out in the night, as the Ox laid down his head and died.

The end.
I love you, now go to sleep. 

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Heading over to L.A.

We're taking a short trip to Los Angelos now that I've wrapped up some affairs. I need to check up with an old friend of mine. We've been pretty busy over here, getting some shit together.

Also as a sidenote, Cognito if you are reading this, I apologize deeply and will give you a proper explanation once things aren't so sideways like they are at the moment, because of reasons.

That's all. Just a quick update.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

LEGION showed up today

They're gone now, but they were here for a bit.

Stuff is fine, I don't know about truces, but stuff seems fine. I think. No scratch that it's a hell of a long ways from fine, but I guess in the grand scheme not much has changed. Everything's ok. Perfect. Fine, and Super.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Message For You Sir!

So a woman showed up outside today. We both thought for a second she was the proxy who's been circling the premises, but she looked pretty sane. She said she was from L.E.G.I.O.N. and that she was delivering a message to Anna. It's a bit worrying considering the last time we saw anybody from L.E.G.I.O.N. we were high tailing it out of their scary underground fortress with stolen documents, although Anna said it was naive to think we wouldn't be hearing from them sooner or later. This is what the letter said:

      Here's to hoping you are in the best of health and are feeling both physically and mentally well. I'd like to apologize for my actions in October when you were forcibly seized from your "home." Our truce served us well over the years, and it is inconvenient that two forces so dedicated to a single cause should find themselves in conflict. If you'd be willing to meet with me I would happily discuss an alternative course of action, where I do not have to lock you up like a prisoner and you and your allies do not have to escape in the night like thieves. We should be friends unified in our crusade. 

I look forward to your response,


Anna's been using the paper as a target for her throwing knives, and she told the delivery girl that she wasn't meeting with anyone, and if they wanted to talk they knew where to find her. I'm just hoping nobody comes crashing through the windows and drags us out in the night again like the first time. I'm not sure if this letter is supposed to be a trap or not, because if it is, it just seems too obvious, you know? It might be they really want to make peace with her, seeing as how she has all these stolen files. Who knows.

In other news, the proxy that's been hanging around has gotten a little bolder. We woke up this morning and found a bunch of snakes stuffed inside of a dead deer. I'll give her one thing, she's certainly...creative.

She hasn't attacked us yet, but Anna seems to think she's going to. Maybe we'll get lucky and it'll turn out this proxy was actually like an insane mountain man from over the bluff, who's been trying to persuade us subconsciously into going to his art show. That's my two bit theory.

As it would be, stuff is weird as always.

Friday, July 4, 2014

The Fourth Again

Anna woke me up at the crack of dawn again, and we went out to that seedy joint in Vegas again, and sat out on the roof of Anna's truck with Hot Dogs and beer and watched fire works while listening to Johnny Cash. I'm pretty sure Anna was even wearing the same raggedy Elvis t-shirt she wore the first time we went out there.

It's weird because a year passed, and a lot changed. I'm off drugs, and I don't even mind bathing in a creek, or being hot all the time, or even waking up and finding Anna skinning some sort of venomous snake for breakfast. It doesn't bother me like it used to, and I guess that's just because I got used to it. I feel better than I used to, to. My asthma hasn't been as bad, and I'm getting tougher. Me and Anna can go head to head without me getting my ass royally kicked every single time. I can last longer than five minutes.

Anna's different too. She's not nasty, or invulnerable, she's just rational and focused on surviving. She has things that get to her just like anybody else, I didn't really get that for a long time. I feel like I'm better because of her.

I guess if I were to explain this experience metaphorically, it would be like being dumped into a bucket of scalding hot water, and at first it hurts and you want to get out, but afterwards you get used to it, and its better than what you had. I do think my life is better somehow. Maybe just because I've got someone in my life who cares about me and who I care about. (Platonically you crazy shits.)

We talked a bit about this and that. I badgered her a bit about Beau and how the two of them have made it work, and she dodged answering because Beau is now an off the table topic. And then she asked me something weird.

"Danny, you're not vehemently opposed to my company right?"

I told her I wasn't.

"You know I've killed people right? People I was close to, because they became proxies."

I told her I understood that.

"I wanted to ask you, and I want you to answer seriously, if everything went to hell, and I lost my mind and became one of those masked assholes, and it came down to it, would you be able to put a bullet in my head?"

I'd never flipped the scenario on its head before, because let's be honest folks, from day one you all assumed it would be who went off the deep end. But she asked, and I sort of rightfully freaked out. I asked if she thought she was losing it, because things have been good and that would be the worst goddamn thing. She called me a dipshit, said she was worried if it came down to it I would choke.

I don't know the answer to that question. I don't know if I would choke or not. I think...I think I wouldn't do it, if it were me against her. Anna says staying alive is the number one priority, but I don't know if I'm willing to cross any threshold out there in the name of staying alive. I'm not saving the world anytime soon. It's work enough just trying to save myself. If it came down to it, I think I'd just let her have me.

It's easy to get wrapped up in Anna's world, where everyday is an epic battle against the forces of good and evil and its you alone against them. But stuff isn't always that easy.

It wasn't the answer she wanted, and I think she's upset.

I just think that's the good way to live, and it's how I plan on doing it.

Tonight though, it was nice. A good moment of calm in the storm, where for the first time in what felt like my whole life, my mind felt clear and everything felt clean. I haven't felt clean in ages. We're a good team. We work, and that's good to know.

Happy 4th.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Report # 10

[1:09:35], 6/27/14

Ok and we're recording. Hey guys were back.

Hell fucking yes we're back.

We are very much indeed fucking yes back.

And we're drunk as hell.

That we are very much fucking indeed yes too.

Kid you're killing me.

Heh, heh, so wow yeah, we've got...lots of stuff to talk about, don't we? Like we went and got the x-rays. They stole my friggin Kidneys. Hahahaha. Yeah but no we're all one hundred percent in posession of our organs, so that's nice. 

They were opening us up to drain our lungs. 


The Azoth, you were to busy tripping balls to remember but we were both on our death beds they were funneling so much shit into us. 

...Why would they do that?

Because they're evil sociopathic dickheads who experiment on kids. We've been over this. 

Well yeah, but to what scientific ends?

Testing for antidotes, trying to figure out how much azoth you can stand in contact with your body before you go batshit, screwing with us because I broke my shitty deal with them.

Why did you make that deal?

...Hmm. Georgia was the one who instigated it, I was a little...

Little what?

They mess with your head Danny-boy. 

You keep saying that, but like, what did they do to you?

...Calling it electro shock therapy might be a bit misleading, it was they reached into my head and started undoing me. 


It's a method of forcibly bringing to light repressed memories. Of scanning your head for infection. Reduce you to your bases building block and see if your a vegetable or a feral animal. 

And the government signed off on that?

Government will sign off an anything unless it's expensive, and the thing about fucked up experimentation psychology that was developed in the dark ages of the 50's, is its relatively cheap. 

Well shit. They didn't do that to me though. 

That's because you are exactly what it says on the package. Skinny douche in way over his head. 

Fuck you.

Here give me that bottle you've had enough.

Aherm, so did Beau save you the first time around?

No. That was Georgia.

Who was Georgia? You said she developed the doomsday vaccines.

At the time she thought they would be a cure.

...And she died experimenting with them?

Yeah. It went about as wrong as an experiment could have gone.

You didn't...kill her?

God fucking no Danny. I didn't kill her. I was responsible for what happened. But I didn't kill her.

You've killed other people who you were friends with. I've gone through your files. 

Are you worried I'm going to kill you?


Shut the hell up and don't answer that. Just shut up.

I'm sorry, that got dark fast. I didn't mean...It's hard not to be paranoid.

I didn't kill Georgia. I would never have done that. Out of all the people who I've known who had to bite a bullet, she wasn't...I was supposed to be the lab rat. 


It was me who was supposed to have died, I was the one who was supposed to use the vaccine, because I would never be able to develop a new better vaccine, not on my own. But then at the last fucking second, she just went ahead on herself...And it was long, and it was horrible, and it should've been me.

Maybe she knew that you would have the better chance of staying alive long enough to develop a second.

I don't know what she was thinking. 

Let's talk about something else...Do you want to talk about Beau?

That is quite possibly the last thing I want to talk about.

You know, considering you sleep with him, you really seem to hate him. 

Where'd you get that impression?

You know what, never mind I don't even want to know the details of how you have the sex.

You're just bitter I get actual tail out here. Here's an idea, why don't I ask you an invasive question for once.


Your mom, do you remember her funeral at all?

Wow that is invasive. I'm sorry, since when did you give a rat's ass about the proxies rubbing shit in my face about my mom mystery?

I give a shit about many things without showing it.

Ughh, fuck, um. Well. Yeah I remember it. Are you asking for a play by play of the worst day of my life?

That is what I am asking. 

Well it, was in the middle of december and there weren't...a ton of people there. My mom had a shitty family, so it was basically me, my dad, and my grandparents. 

Your mom's parents?

No my dad's parents. They were there for moral support. 

Sounds like she did have a very shitty family. 

She was cremated so we spread her ashes around some, and then went home and had potato soup for dinner. That was about all that happened.


Why? What does that tell you? 

Doesn't confirm or deny anything. 

What do you have a theory on why they kept posting shit about her up there, or who was doing it? Would you like to share with the class.

I know who was doing it.

You do?

Do you remember the proxy from Caliente? The one who held you captive in the hospital?


Yeah, did you think he just got tired of us. He's been messing with us since day one. The new proxy on the premise, the one who keeps breaking our windows, and who killed the cop, she's wrapped up with him, I'm pretty certain of it.

So he's been watching us?

We're always being watched. You realize that don't you.

Even when we're shitting?

Even when we're shitting. 

That reminds me, did you ever hear anything about that journal you were looking for.

No I didn't. But I've been looking. 

Any idea who has it?

For all I know it was destroyed eons ago. It keeps bugging me. Shit comes back to haunt you when you think its over and done with, if there's anything I've learned from this life. Hey Danny.


You don't have to be paranoid, okay? At least, not about me. I'm not going to promise that everything will ever go according to plan, but I'd never do anything to intentionally fuck with you, and if I ever did have to put a bullet in your head it would be a last, last resort. All right? I want you safe and sane, because your my friend and believe it or not, that actually does mean something to me okay? I care about you. You got that?

...Thanks Anna.

Don't mention it. Is that all there is to say?

That's all there is to say.