Monday, October 20, 2014

Report #12

[2:53:45, 10/21/14]

Hey guys, guess who finally showed up?

I did.

Welcome to our humble shack Beau, how was your trip?

All right, ride could have been better. Got caught in a pretty messed up detour. Remember kids, don't hitchhike. It's dangerous and I'm a professional.

Thanks for the PSA.

It is my personal pleasure.

Anyway, first thing tomorrow, Beau and I are setting out to find my mom. I can't believe it's really happening. Thanks for doing this Beau, really really, it means a lot.

Well yeah, like I said, it is my personal pleasure. No big deal.

Sorry, I'm just fucking excited.

Right. No I know.

If you're excited I'd say you're going into this with the wrong attitude.

I'm not going to be stupid about it, Anna. But I mean.......Seeing my mom again, it's been something I never thought could ever happen.

Good for you man, I'm glad we can help make it happen.

I mean, I've been prepping for the past two weeks. My fingers are shot to hell, I'm not made out for this sewing shit. I even did some of that shooting practice Anna's always on me to do.

I have a sewing machine dumbass. You look like Raggedy Andy.

Shut up, I did it in the end.

It'll be super fucking funny when a bunch of money falls out of the legs of your pants.

Ha ha ha ha.

Shut up! I did fine, it's fine, it's good enough.

Ah man, don't get all pouty, Anna's just messing with you. This is how she shows affection.

Fuck you Roland.


Good to know.

So Anna, are you letting us take the truck?

Fuck no, I need that.

We can hitchhike I guess. It'll be fine as long as the master is with me, right?

Yep, but it might take a little longer. We're working on conjecture here, so first stop is Texas. You sure you don't want to at least lend it to us?

I've got driving I've got to get done too, okay? And hitchhiking is the fucking worst. I once got picked up by a van of white supremacists.

What makes you think she's in Texas?

Last place I ever saw her. Thing about Proxies is they have "the path" so she could be jumping around anywhere.

Be honest Beau? What's the chance we actually manage to find her?

I can't say for sure. I'd say it's likely. You're her kid, and I think she wants to be found.

Yeah of course she does, so she can give you a big fat cuddly hug while driving a knife into your


You don't know that Anna. I know you think you know better about everything, but you don't know that for certain.

I can reason a pretty educated guess.

Anna, come on, we're already here, we're going.

Tomorrow. We're leaving tomorrow Anna.

Right, yes. Of course.

Aww cheer up. We still have tonight.

Ew. Do I have to sleep outside?



Ew ew ew please let's not talk about it.

You're the one who asked.

Hey now, nothing to be embarrassed about we're all friends here. We tell it like it is.

You are not helping anything.

It's bad enough that you do it, just please please don't talk about it.

Our love is beautiful.

That is the last thing our love is and you know it.

Shhh...We are epic.

Moving on! Moving on. Um, Annalee, I'll teach you how to use that flashdrive program before we go, okay? Anything else that needs wrapping up?

Uh, one thing I guess.


I got you something.

What? That's unlike you.

Oh yeah, I only let you live in my house without paying rent. Generosity sure isn't like me at all.

Fine, whatever, you're kindness incarnate. What is it? .........................Is this a rabbit's foot? Like an honest to goodness real rabbit's foot?

It honest to goodness is.

Did you like, cut it off a rabbit yourself?

What did you think I'd buy a shitty curio one? Those things are fake as hell. Don't even fucking know to get the goddamn left foot. Like what good is that piece of shit going to do anybody.

That sounds just like you Anna. Thanks.

You're welcome.

Nothing to wish Beau good luck?


Do us all a favor and don't even start that sentence honey.

Good call Anna. Before this all goes horribly, horribly off topic in the worst way possible, anyone have any last things to say on the recording?

May the road rise to meet us and may the wind always be at our backs.

You don't Irish bless yourself idiot.

And on that note, we'll end this report. I'll post again once we're on our way. We're leaving tomorrow. God, I can't even believe that. We're leaving tomorrow to go find my mom. See you all later.


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