Sunday, June 9, 2013

Dealing with Proxies

It's hot as hell here. Summer in the dessert is a fuckin nightmare I'll tell you that.

I probably owe some of you an apology for the last few posts. I've never been good with dealing with people and I jumped into this internet thing much too fast. I realize that now. Been talking with Danny and we both came to a decision to up our discreetness.

In regards to what happened with what Danny was talking about, for his sake I've decided to divulge a few details just to calm some of you assholes down a bit. The less goddamn curiosity there is going around the better.

There's been an issue with a proxy. A bad one who's been hanging around here as of late, sticking his little nose in when I least expect it. This proxy has been looking for some attention, and I'm seeing to it that he doesn't get any. He's a scrawny little bastard with an inflated ego and who isn't worth the energy to type about and the less time you spend thinking about him the better off we'll all be.

In lieu of that, why don't we talk some more about proxies and how not to take their shit.

1. Don’t sit around and listen to bullshit monologues. Proxies love that kind of crap. They love to tell you how awful you are, taunt you, make you feel bad about yourself. If you sit around and listen, it’s your own damn fault when they manage to kick the gun out of your hand. Shoot first, listen to boring monologues later.

2. If you get a note telling you to meet somewhere. Don’t go. Or at least arrive late and set the damn deserted warehouse on fire. If a proxy has useful information, they’ll be a lot quicker to spill it

3. Don't give em the time of day. So many of you idiots waste time talking to proxies like their your annoying drunk cousin at a family reunion. Don't talk to them, don't give them an opportunity to know you or get inside your head!

4. Everybody could be a proxy, and so don't go wandering into dark alleys with that kind man who's going to give you directions. Don't assume you'll be able to tell who the non-proxies are.

5. Don't cooperate with them. Sure they're going to sit there and tell you how much you need them, but I think we can all agree there are other options at times.

6. Be prepared to kill your friends. It happens. Good and kind people become proxies and chances are you will not be able to fix them. You can't hesitate.

7. If there's one thing I hate, it's those proxies who try to tell you you're just as much of a bad person as they are. That's bullshit. Unless you're some kind of fucked up mental patient, your soul person is probably not causing misery for every single innocent person you come across. Remember that.

8. Don't go looking for proxies. It's just a bad plan. Much easier to just let em find you.

9. Don't let a proxy get a hold of your emotions. It doesn't matter how many of your friends they've killed or how many times they've spit in your face. If you get a real thrill of joy out of killing them, you're on a one way ticket to becoming a proxy.

10. Bury the proxies you've killed. Makes you feel better about the people they used to be. It's a good way to cope. Killing proxies is fine, but do it with respect. They are people after all.


  1. Figures. How many damn proxies have there been hanging around that you haven't told me about?

    1. For me to know, and you to not worry about. I swear it's like all my advice goes in one ear and out the fucking other.

    2. You know, I find it kind of unfair. I mean, when Danny Boy acts all suspicious and giggles for no reason, you end up tying him up and interrogating him.

      When you acts all suspicious and Danny Boy starts telling everyone about it, you just yell at him and other people that they should have more trust in you, or some shit among those lines.

      And now, you even withhold information from him, some team work guys, some team work. All these nice advice about proxies, thank you for your help, or could it be that you aren't even trying to help, instead, make people draw away the suspicion from you.

      Tricky, tricky.

    3. This right here is a prime example of a proxy spewing bullshit, and like a real pro, I'm going to ignore him.

    4. Somebody pick up that phone! Cause I fucking called it! So saw that reply coming.

      Also, not a proxy, free agent now.

    5. Why don't you go tell that to someone who gives a rat's ass.

    6. But, dearie me, whatever happened to being, and I quote "like a real pro, I'm going to ignore him"?

      Doesn't sem quite "pro" if you ask me.

    7. I'm telling you to fuck off. So fuck off.

  2. Uh. This list is a load of crap. It works for a certain breed. But there's a lot of proxies out there who are just doing what they have to, same as the rest of you. I certainly didn't kill any more as a proxy than you apparently do as a runner.

    Dumbass cunt.

    1. Oh look at that. The goddamn morality argument. The ol' "You think you're such a good guy."

      Listen here. If you want to play nice with proxies, go ahead. My opinion is playing nice with proxies however is a good way to get yourself fucking killed, and if anyone wants to put that to the test they can be my guest. I have no problem being proven wrong. It's a good way to prefect strategies.

      In the mean, time take a step off your high fucking horse and work on pulling the log out of your own eye before you start mouthing off about other people's problems.

    2. Okay, I'm not going to claim to be in the moral right. I'm a murderer, and I enjoy it. But that's not because I'm a proxy, it's because I'm a fucking murderer! So are you. Other proxies have never even held a lethal weapon, let alone killed someone with it.
      I'm trying to tell you you're ignoring a large pile of facts to hold your pet fucking theory

    3. My theory is a product of fifteen years of hard earned experience.

      If I may point to rule number eight, asshat, I don't go out every night hunting them. I don't look for them. They fucking find me, and if they're looking for me I can assure you they have one goal in mind.

      Proxies do not have a runner's best interest at heart, that is a fact of life, and even if priorities align and exceptions are found, letting them walk all over you will not do you any favors. It certainly won't do any other people any favors.