Found an old autopsy record in my stash. To be honest I'd almost completely forgotten about it, not that I have ever had the best memory.
It was the first proxy I ever killed. I remember it was back when I was still with Rex. He had this particularly nasty piece of work locked up in the warehouse we were inhabiting at the time. It was a proxy who'd been referring to himself as Cipitio. It became apparent very quickly that we weren't going to be able to bring him back, but Rex had decided not to give up.
Cipitio didn't speak english, so most of Rex's attempts to get through to him were useless seeing as how Cipitio didn't seem to understand one word he was saying. Of course, against all odds, Rex had managed to pick up a girl who'd been abandoned in the middle of Texas, who spoke perfect Spanish. Guess who that lucky girl was?
In a way it was the first time I'd ever really interacted with a proxy. Sure I'd seen them and had fought off a few, but for the most part Rex and his gang didn't want me dealing with them and I can see why.
For one I was a tiny little shit. When they first found me I was shaking in my boots in the middle of a forest trying to fire a rifle that was two sizes too big for me. For another I don't remember Rex's gang being all that fond of me. At the time I think I was pretty convinced I had gone batshit, and I spent a lot of time on my own. In other words I was their tagalong and everyone was sort of waiting for a place to drop me off.
Until of course we found Cipitio, because then all of a sudden I was somehow the go to girl. I remember the first day Rex shuffled me in there. We had him tied to a chair and he was looking at us. He had these beady little eyes and they kept moving from me to Rex. Rex kept asking me to say this and that, but once the creep found out I could understand what he was saying I don't think he payed much attention to Rex at all. I can't remember exactly what he said, but it was about as horrible as you could expect. The kind of talk that would make a sailor blush, as they say.
I was terrified of him. And not just because he was a creepy bastard with an intricate vocabulary, oh no no no, it was a lot different than that. The man was evil. Evil to the root and core, and I could tell that this guy wasn't some tortured angel before he became a proxy. He was just evil.
After day one I refused to go back in there, and even though Rex wasn't happy about it, he didn't make me. It still worried me though, because I knew he was still there, and whenever I was near the cage I could feel him watching me.
The day I killed him, Rex had decided we were going to leave Cipitio at the warehouse and move on somewhere new. I walked into that cage with my shotgun, and I remember that proxy looked at me and he smiled and said, Nada me puede matar.
When I was little, a rabid dog attacked me. Someone had chained it up and left it in the middle of the street, and I had wandered too close. My mother took me to the hospital, and my father was so angry he shot the dog. I remember seeing the body, and thinking about what it had died for and why it had deserved to die.
I shot that fucking proxy in his smug little face, and never lost a night of sleep over it. I brought his body out with me to the warehouse and that was when the idea of using what was left to learn about how proxies were made and how to help them.
I don't think Rex ever forgave me for that, but I didn't need his approval or anyone else's for that matter. I'm not ashamed of what I did and I would never apologize for it. I wasn't going to let that proxy continue to live in a world of people who shouldn't have to be forced to deal with him. There are people in this world that need protecting, and very few who are willing to do what has to be done. So I decided I wasn't going to be someone who allowed messes to go unkept because of my own morality.
So I took that proxy and opened him up and went through all of it. It was the most terrible and disgusting thing I had ever done, but I did it because I knew no one else would.
I guess I do wish the ultimate decision would have been harder for me. But what are you supposed to do when the scum of the earth tells you you can't kill him.
I still have the record. It's this tiny little list.
Tattoo of exed-circle on tongue.
Black liquid in brain, lungs, heart.
Ciptio was a screwed up customer.