#1 - Report

[01:12, 3/4/13]

Okay, so this works differently to the normal transcripts. The reports aren't dated or timed precisely like my normal transcripts are, and with reports, both the charming [audio confusion] Annalee and I are going to be making a report on what's been going on. So Okay. [clears throat] Since our last post thing whatever, we've - uh, Anna has fought and killed one proxy, and I helped sort of. And there - nothing, nothing else happened apart from that, except that the truck crashed and she made me go and get the body from under the truck and that was it was really bad, like, really awful. And, also, it was my birthday yesterday. Twenty-five. Yay. Nobody gives a fuck. Awesome. Anyway. Okay. [pause] So she dissected the proxy and did all kinds of gross stuff that I didn't really care to watch, and I'll pass over to my wonderful [clears throat] companion and she'll tell you all about it.

Wait what were we doing?

This is the thing I told you about, okay? When I did the recordings of the both of us? This is what its for, damn it, just [pause] talk about what's happened and stuff. 

Hang on, [pause] So what, I just [pause] talk at it?

Yes, you just talk at it! And whatever you say will become text on the screen. See? Watch. Test, whatever, one, two three. [pause, audio confusion] Like that. Pretty neat, right?

Holy fuck, look at that. Apples and bananas, ham and cheese, polly wolly doodle all day. (What the - no,) Shit, A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z [audio confusion] Danny I take it all back your program kicks ass.

Uh right, shit really? Um, okay, if you say so, I guess, but seriously, you're going to break it. Just stay on track and [pause, clears throat] Say what I told you to say, we'll have plenty of time to fuck around with it, later but it is actually saving to the auto-publish section of the programming right now? As in, this recording isn't a test? 

What? Oh yeah right. So are car blew up. That happened.

Yes that happened, and it sucked. But seriously, talk about the proxy and stuff, that's what I loaded this up for.

She wasn't anything special kid, just some poor lady who tried to kill us. She made us crash the car and then you stabbed her in the back and cried for an hour. All in all it was a pretty typical weekend.

Okay that right there, that, right there, that's not fair. I did not cry for an hour at all and you know it and we are supposed to be maintaining a professional image. I had an asthma attack and you made me crawl under a truck and pull out a corpse. [audio confusion]

Well hey I was the one who got shot and had to hold the truck up. It was a rough night, and we both did a good job. There was only one difference between our performances and that was that one of us didn't whine.

Okay. Okay. This was an absolutely terrible idea. I'm shutting it down.

Oh calm down, kid. Stop being such a tight ass.

No sorry, but if all you're going to do is lean over my shoulder, and tell the world how much of a little bitch you think I am, then I'm not running this anymore. You can keep everything on paper until the next time it gets fucking ashed. 

You need some tougher skin. You're like a peach. This is just like the eggs. You cook them and they suck, and then you pout for the rest of the evening.

They did not suck oh my god! I just can't cook! If I'm so bad than you should cook! [pause] Look just either you talk about relevant stuff, or I hit the off button. My cursor is on the off button. Look at it. It's there. Get talking.

You'd think you had a gun to my head. [pause] Okay so last Saturday night we went out to do a perimeter check after I found some dead animals on the porch [pause] and um while we were out we ran into a proxy and took care of her. Then we flipped the car and had to walk home. The proxy didn't turn out to be very speacial. [pause.] She um [pause] I'm guessing she was one of those empty ones. Just nothing left, you know?

[pause 00:24] I [pause] yeah, okay, that's [pause] that's all for that, I think. That's what happened to us, guys. Are we done? Anna, are we done? With the recording, is that all you wanted to say?

Yep. Now come on, we're going out.

Wait where? Uh, yeah, okay. That's the update for now, guys, bye.